Breaking News: Andrew Bynum Opted for Radical Procedure

He’s a machine…literally!

Since Andrew Bynum arrived in Philadelphia, people have been wondering what shape his knees are in. The 25 year-old has missed plenty of playing time during his young NBA career due to achey joints and received a special treatment in Germany in the offseason. The procedure was described as non-invasive (It’s hard to trust Germans using the term “non-invasive”), yet Bynum was unable to appear in the Sixers first regular season game. In fact he hasn’t even practiced since his surgery.

The issue really comes down to a matter of semantics. It turns out the procedure was technically non-invasive for Bynum’s knees because they removed both of his legs entirely. According to various sources, Bynum is now a gigantic torso with a mean ‘fro.

NOTE: This is not in any way a real story, but it should be.

Word has leaked that the Sixers’ young center opted to replace his legs with mechanical limbs in order to avoid risking future injury. Coach Doug Collins told reporters that they are waiting for Bynum to be comfortable with simple tasks such as climbing stairs and performing the electric slide before they go any farther along in the process.

“He’s gotta feel it…It’s electric.” said Collins.

While the procedure may seem odd at first glance, the idea for this German procedure came from Collins’ recent trip to London.

“When I was coaching [at the Olympics], I was awestruck by Oscar Pistorius. The way that he was able to compete really made an impression on me. I feel that it was have a similar impact on Andrew.”

Pistorius competed in the London games as the first Olympic athlete with a synthetic body part. Now it turns out that the NBA will be seeing the first synthetic Sixer.

The question is how long will it take?

Posted on November 2, 2012, in Posts, The Boondoggle and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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