Juan Castillo Claims Firing Part of “The Plan”
In what has become an Earth shattering piece of news for Eagles nation, Juan Castillo has revealed in a recent interview that his firing is part of possibly the biggest conspiracy in the history of football.
During a recent interview with ESPN Castillo told reporters that his firing was not only expected, but planned.
“I was getting nervous that I wasn’t going to be released as early as [Andy Reid and I] discussed. It was creating a lot of pressure on me,” said Castillo. “The plan is that Andy is hoping to be fired at the end of the year. He’d like to move out of Philadelphia. For him it’s been really exhausting to listen to people constantly screaming for Nick Foles with Michael [Vick] out there. Basically, he wants to get a fresh start.”
Castillo then told reporters that he has already agreed to be Reid’s offensive line coach at his next franchise. Calling the arrangement “a done deal”.
When asked why his firing was a necessary component, Castillo responded “Well, Andy likes his odds in San Diego and Buffalo. So what I’ll be doing is exploring those areas for a bit. For San Diego, Andy wants to know if he can wear Hawaiian shirts through the winter. And Buffalo? Well we all know why he’d want to work in Buffalo” Castillo chuckled.
“Big Red told me a few weeks ago that he would have won the Wing Bowl if his mustache wasn’t ‘getting in the way’…I believe him.”
So, while it seems like Reid has been hitting the panic button, it appears as though he’s already pulled the plug. This leaves owner Jeffrey Lurie with one option: He must sign Reid to a lengthy contract extension.
If Lurie can entice Reid to stay by motivating him to win a Wing Bowl, then naturally Reid will bring a similar type of urgency to the Eagles for the Super Bowl. This flawless logic is similar to the way a mother lovingly forces her daughter to do beauty pageants.
Whether Lurie can overcome this blatant act of treason, however, is another story.
NOTE: This story is entirely fictional. For the love of Ben Franklin, please do not take this seriously.